A Teachable Moment:  Calling All Hockey Parents

by Ron Foyt

Mr. Foyt is a former NHL linesman and a supervisor of college referees (NCHA)

When I was watching some hockey games this past weekend, two situations came up which became my inspiration for this article. I observed two distinct opportunities for parents to enhance their son or daughter's knowledge of the game of hockey, or what I like to call teachable moments. Unfortunately, these teachable moments were not taken advantage of.

Situation No. 1:  During a USA Hockey Bantam A game, I watched a parent spend the entire game hollering at his son, the opposing players, and the officials.  As the father and son walked out of the arena, I over heard the son complaining to his  dad about how poor the officiating was, how he doesn't like his coach, and how the  other team was not that good anyway. The father, in a voice that was hoarse from his expert commentary throughout the game, agreed.

Situation No. 2:  During a high school varsity hockey game, a player was kicked off the team because he refused to follow the coach's instructions and play the game with more control (i.e. stop taking bad penalties). Again, I overheard the father saying that the coach just doesn't understand his son and that he is not being fair.

Being a hockey parent myself, I understand that hockey parents desperately want their son or daughter to have the opportunity to play hockey at the highest level that he or she is capable of.  Hockey parents would like to see their sons or daughters go from USAHockey levels, to High School Hockey, and then to Junior Hockey.  And wouldn't it be great if the could go to college on a hockey scholarship?!

This progression is the hope of every parent when their son or daughter starts to play hockey, and this progression is the dream of every player. But I am stating the obvious.  Obviously players want to play at the highest level they can.  Obviously parents want this for their children. However, what is not so obvious to many hockey parents is that moments exist before, during, and after hockey games in which lie great opportunities to help their child move from one level of hockey to the next.

These moments are teachable moments.  Unfortunately, these moments that can be used to help their children achieve a higher goal often goes unnoticed.  Both of the situations I described were ideal teachable moments that were not taken advantage of.  Each parent had a teachable moment in which they might have helped their son reach the next level of hockey.  However, in both situations, the young hockey players learned nothing because the parents did nothing to encourage the only thing other than skill that will move a player from one level to the next.

This X Factor, as I like to call it, that will help a player achieve a higher level of hockey is concentrating on your own playing and playing the game with respect.  In other words, if you have the X Factor, you play the game in control, you respect the coaches and the game officials, and you don't trash talk your opponents.  I know this may be a foreign concept to some, but it really does work.

 So if parents really want to help their son or daughter reach that higher level of hockey, they need to use these teachable moments to tell the player to focus on his or her playing instead of the other team and the refereeing. 

Officials have a unique perspective about players and their ability to move up in levels of hockey.  Any official that works higher level games on a regular basis will tell you that there are lots and lots and lots of hockey players that have the same goal in mind.  This goal is to move up to the next level of hockey.

It is obvious to an official during a game what players have a high skill level that might give them an opportunity to be successful at the next level of play.

So, not only can these officials tell you which of these players appear to have the necessary skill level to reach their common goal, but they can also tell you which of these players have this X Factor that will help them reach their goal much faster.
These officials know that a player's X Factor comes into play as much as his or her ability. Coaches also have the ability to see the X Factor.  Coaches look for this because they want to select players that will make them and their programs successful.

Not many coaches at a higher level will select a player that plays out of control, is disrespectful to their current coach, and is a constant complainer. So, are you a hockey parent that wants to maximize your son or daughter's opportunity to play at high levels of hockey?

The first thing you need to do is conduct yourself with control when you are in the stands watching your son or daughter play.  All players watch their parents in the stands, so be a good role model and demonstrate to them total control of your emotions. 

Second, take advantage of teachable moments.  Teach your young hockey player that the way to succeed in the sport of hockey is by playing the game with control and with respect to coaches, officials, and opposing players.

When your hockey player starts to complain about how their coach doesn't understand him, that the referees weren't being fair, or that the other team was being cheap, use this opportunity!

Teach them about accountability, respect, and how to avoid playing the blame game.  Be a part of your young hockey player's success.  As a parent, you play a larger role than you can imagine.