AN EXPERIENCED PARENT/COACH'S GUIDE TO BEING RECRUITED

by Scott Moulson

I was hesitant when asked to write a “coach’s perspective” article for this web site for two reasons. First I was pondering a decision that would, at least temporarily, remove me from the coaching ranks. Second, I wondered if I had anything to say people would be interested in hearing.

I made a tough personal decision, after 14 years to sit back and become just a dad next year. I will miss what can be at the same time one of the greatest, most rewarding, most challenging, most frustrating, most appreciated and most unappreciated jobs in the world. However, I am already looking forward to watching Matt, my oldest son, lace on the blades for the Cornell Big Red (ranked 9th in the NCAA this year), watching my daughter Shannon transition to junior, and I am more than curious to see how my youngest son Chris, will respond to the demands of a new coach, with a new style next year.

Two things convinced me to accept the literary challenge.

About three years ago I bought a book, “So Your Son Wants To Play in the NHL”, written by the father/son team of Jay and Dan Bylsma. Dan has played almost 350 games in the NHL. He is currently with the Anaheim Mighty Ducks. I wrote them to say how much I enjoyed their hockey/life book. A return e-mail, the discovery we shared the same passion for hockey, minimal arm twisting and the Bylsma’s had recruited a family of editors for their sequel, written for young hockey players, “So You Want to Play in the NHL.”

Dan and Jay have never been bashful about expressing their opinions and have provided coaching and parenting advice as my own children have advanced through their hockey careers. Responding to a thank you from Matt for the advice he and his Dad have provided over the years, Dan wrote, “My parents and I remember going through the same thing (college selection) in the dark, learning as we went. I am glad our advice helped you in your decision.”

The next day while at Westwood Arena, I was reminded many parents and players need the quality advice the Bylsmas gave us. Yes, a parent came to me with those familiar lines, “What are you doing next year? The (insert team of your choice here) are already out there recruiting. They have committed (insert player or players of your choice here) for next year”. Yes, the annual courting ritual known as “Recruiting Season” has begun.

I responded to the question with a casual, “Not sure yet.” Internally, my pre-Bylsma parental fears were boiling over. Oh my gosh, my son hasn’t been approached. These teams are all filled up. He’s destined for a lousy team next year. If he’s on a bad team, he won’t have anyone to play with. He won’t develop. The scouts or the agents won’t see him. He won’t have any colleges after him. He’s going to end up in the hockey scrap heap. He’ll drop out of hockey. It’s all over, we might as well pack it in.

When these fears rose to the surface, I did what I always do in that situation. I asked my oldest son, the future Ivy Leaguer, to bring me back to reality. He obliged by whacking me as hard upside the head as possible (he gladly and enthusiastically carries out this request each time that it is made.) You see, Matt was one of those late bloomers, a star at Atom, a benchwarmer at PeeWee and Minor Bantam, a small often-injured AA player destined for the scrap heap at Midget. He has many friends who were in the same boat. Three cut at PeeWee (one by three teams) are having successful seasons in the OHL will probably be selected in next June’s NHL draft. A player who warmed the bench with him when they were 13 years old just accepted an offer to play for Yale next year. Another considered too small for AAA hockey, just received the “full ride” from Ferris State. A third who bounced around from team to team, is lighting it up this year for the Fighting Irish at Notre Dame.

Having seen the highs and the lows, Matt and his friends know something forgotten by many parents who try to push our kids to excel in sports. That something is the fact that nothing will determine a player’s future success in hockey more than that player’s drive, ambition, work ethic and desire to succeed OVER TIME i.e. to give everything he has every practice, every game, every shift. The aforementioned whack to the head settled me down, and together Matt and I have composed a list of tips for players and parents for use as we enter the dreaded “Recruiting Season”.

Here it is:

1. You can Learn a lot about a Coach from when he starts Recruiting.

Every coach keeps in touch with the superstars, the small group of coveted players. That’s normal. Some coaches with good teams are out recruiting half a team in December. Remember, the season lasts eight months. If you are a good but not top 10% player being recruited in January or December, before the season is half over, that coach is giving up on someone and is admitting a prior recruiting mistake. It’s not always the coach’s fault, but you better make sure you understand who he wants to replace and why. Otherwise, you might be next season’s outcast.

2. Promises are Made to Be Broken, Don’t Ask for Them and Don’t Believe Them.

It’s nice to hear, “I promise your son will be double shifted, wear the C, play PP and PK.” Fact is there are so many variables a coach faces in a season, the good ones know they cannot keep those promises. Stick with a coach who says, “I am thinking of him playing in this position and in these situations, but everything on my team is earned. Here’s what I looking for from players who will earn those spots.” Understand what he likes, even dislikes about your son’s play and decide for yourself if there is a fit.

3. Personal Development is more important to a player’s future success than the quality of your team.

Better teams play more games against better competition than weaker ones. That is good for personal development. Better teams tend to shorten their benches more than weak teams. If you sit on a bench and don’t play, that is disastrous for personal development. Each one of Matt’s friends that we discussed above eventually rebounded from being cut/ shuffled around to become the “go to” guy on another team. Good practices are fine, but being on the ice in crucial situations (power play, penalty kill, and last minute) is necessary to develop. Go with a team that will play you in these key situations.

4. Do Your Homework - Games.

Just as leopards seldom change their spots, coaches seldom change their styles. What may appear on the surface to be a good program, may not be. Watch games. Does the coach use all his players and do they all seem to be contributing? Does he rely on one or two or five superstars to win games? If he relies on a few players who get all the ice in key situations to win games for him, you may be watching a good recruiter, not a developer. Again a player’s future success depends on how well that player develops relative to his peer group over time. That peer group includes thousands of players around the world several years older and younger.

5. Do Your Homework – Practices.

To skate faster, shoot harder, think quicker, etc you must practice these skills at a high pace in practice OR you must do outside work that focuses on these skills. Some coach’s focus on systems, some focus on individual skills. If you need to work on skating, it might be better for you to go to a coach who emphasizes individual skill development such as skating or stickhandling at his practices rather than a systems person. You may go to a great skating school or practice with an older team in your organization – and systems or the thinking part of the game are what you need to work on. Go to a coach that will help you there. In ten years when you want to play pro, you will need as many of these skills as you can possibly absorb and develop.

6. Take off the Rose Colored Glasses, assess yourself and a new coach objectively.

Recruiting time is a wonderful time of year. Love is in the air. If you get an offer, chances are the new coach has watched you. He has picked out a few minor flaws he can point out to you and he will also let you know he can help you improve. The pitch goes something like, “(insert present coach here) is not using you right. You will do (insert promises here) on my team.” Remember, your existing coach has to deal with 16 players as will the new coach when you join his team. Don’t expect miracles and don’t believe every promise. Understand your strengths and weaknesses and play for the coach that realistically explains what he will help you with and how he will help you given the other demands on his time..

7. Throw Away the Crutches.

In Dan Bylsma’s book, he talks about pros that always have an excuse. If I could play in the AHL with better players, if I got a chance in the NHL, if I had different linemates, if my coach let me play a different style. The guys who make it are the ones that throw away the excuses and focus on making themselves better. They do not worry about who is on their line. Over the years many times we have seen parents blame a coach for a player’s poor play, only to have another parent come to us after the fact to tell us what a detriment that player was to the team. If you are not brutally honest about where you fit in the pecking order and what you have to work on, you will always be looking for the magic formula, a new coach, a new set of teammates, and you will always be disappointed.

8. Let the Player Make The Final Decision on Where he is Going to Play.

It took me about five years to figure this one out. If there was a difference of opinion on where one of my kids would play, and if I pushed them in the direction I wanted, the result was failure. When they chose, the decision was without exception the right one. Upon reflection, I think that is because a big part of development is attitude and enthusiasm for the game. If a player shares the same philosophies, principles, and characteristics as his coach, there is a good chance they will work together well. I have seen this with players we have tried to recruit. Where the parent asked all the questions and was obviously making the decision, invariably that player was looking for a new team the next year (if not earlier). Young players can be very perceptive in this area. By all means, jointly discuss the decision making process. Parents can expose players to different coaches, but they must step back and let the player make the decision.

9. Assess the type of Parents Associated With the Club.

A coach could win every game during a season and some parents would still complain. Some of these parents can destroy the chemistry on even the tightest teams. Sometimes reputations are undeserved. More often than not, the rule “where there’s smoke there is fire”, applies to minor hockey. I have seen 12 year olds publicly ridiculed for their play by teammates’ parents who do not comprehend the words “leadership” and “teamwork”. Do not underestimate the damage these people can do. Trust your instincts and do not worry about turning down an otherwise acceptable situation because you are concerned about a problem parent. September to March is a long time for anyone to live with a mistake.

10. No Matter What Your Decision, Once You Have Made it, Live With It – No Excuses.

One of the players who plays against my son is Darryl Moore of the Brantford Eagles (Mid-West Jr. B). Darryl is not a big player. He broke his arm and was out of the line-up for several weeks. When he has been in the lineup, his linemates have changed just about every game. To top it off, Darryl’s team has won ONE game out of TWENTY-FIVE this year. He had all the ready made excuses, but did not use them. Instead, he concentrated on his own development. Guess who is going to Western Michigan on a full NCAA Division I scholarship next year? Once you have made your decision, refuse to be sidetracked from being the best player you can be, no matter what happens.

11. Not Just For Recruiting Season - Hockey Dreams do Come True If You Want Them Bad Enough.

A lot of well-meaning people like to remind us that making the NHL or even an OHL or NCAA team is like winning the lottery, very unlikely. That is a great phrase to remind us to make sure we are having fun while moving towards our goals and have alternatives if things don’t work out. Facts are, players from Ontario will make it, and those players will not necessarily be the most talented minor hockey players. Players don’t let anyone talk you out of your dreams. Don’t underestimate the price you have to pay to get there.

FINALLY, HAPPY RECRUITING SEASON TO ONE AND ALL!