Dan Replies:
Dear Hockey Dad: Though I'm saddened, I'm not surprised to learn your son is losing interest in the game. I can't imagine being 11 and having played that much hockey and not becoming disenchanted. There's 82 games in my regular season, (then hopefully as many as 28 more) and I don't skate again until the last week in August. I fish, play golf and church softball and don't even think about putting on the pads until the inevitable threat of training camp looms large.
I believe youth sports before the high school level are in place for only two reasons... for kids to have fun and to teach them life lessons (like, break the rules, there are consequences). Starting from that premise, the answer is easy. If your lad is no longer having fun, either let him play hockey where it is fun or let him play another sport where he has fun. Age 11 is way too early to be burdened with any more expectations than to do his best in school, respect his parents, kiss his sister, and memorize his catechism lessons.
The sports pages are replete with stories of children who were robbed of their childhood or made to accept the pressures of adulthood for the sake of excelling at sports only to have their world collapse because they were unable to handle adulthood, the thing childhood prepares us for. And the cruel joke of it all is that for every kid from your AAA travel program who makes it, there are dozens (dare I say hundreds) for whom it all turned out to be an empty dream and wasted time and money... unless they can say... it was fun.
And as for the advantage of keeping up with the expectation of doing his best in school vs. doing his best playing hockey, add up the number of ______ (you fill in the blank; doctors, dentists, lawyers, CPAs) in your city's telephone book and compare that to the number of NHLers that came out of your AAA program.
Now a word or two for you. Often parents of kids who decide not to sign up for or continue in an advanced level program hear the words, "Don't you want to do what's best for your son?", or "Aren't you the kind of parent who wants to give your child every opportunity?". Usually those words can be translated into "We really need your money" or "we need your kid to win games" or "we don't have enough players to field a team without your son". In a few words, for folks with this mindset, it's not about your son, it's about their program. I'm not sure I would want to associate with those kind of people for a whole hockey season or have my son play for those people.
And then, I know we've said it before... your child's "making it" is not up to you. It's up to him. I absolve you and all parents here and now of the responsibility of your son "making it". I do so by the powers given to me by the quote from Sparky Anderson, "Your son will make to the (NHL) in spite of what you do for him, not because of what you do for him".
I wish you and your son well and maybe we'll see him on the PGA tour?
Dan
