Dan Replies:
Dear F.C.: I've never coached so I'm going to let my father handle this easy question; I'll take the hard ones.
From Jay: One would think that parents who aren’t willing to coach would have the sense to stay out of the way, but I suppose these same people are telling the teacher how to teach.
Here are some suggestions:
One way to diffuse these parents may be to have this dialogue:
Parent: "I'd really appreciate it if my Johnny didn't have to be on a line with Sammy - you know , Sammy is slow, can't catch a pass and... etc.”
Coach: "I don't know if Sammy's parents would really understand your reasons. Would you be willing to come with me when I talk to them and maybe you can be more clear with them than I why you don't want your son to play on the same line with their son."
Another tactic is to flatter the offending parents into submission. Like "You know, I give very careful consideration to the line combinations. Apparently you are unaware that your Johnny is on Sammy's line because he's the one kid who is both good enough to carry the line and has the good upbringing and character to understand his situation and be a mentor to Sammy. I don't think I'm wrong about that, am I?"
You can also go after their ego like this "I could put your Johnny on the first line, but I idea here is to develop players, to bring out the best in them. If he plays with Billy, he will be able to coast. By playing with Sammy, he has the challenge to push himself and Sammy and that's how kids really improve. I've notice he's improved a lot this year and it's my judgment it's because he's had to play with a bit of a handicap and he's pulled it together and it's really helped him. I think we would do him a disservice to move him."
Another approach is to challenge the parent with the ramifications of the move; as in: "So you think I should move your Johnny to Billy's line. Who would we move to play with Sammy? Jack? And what would my explanation to Jack be for this move? Have you talked to Jack's parents about this? Do they approve?"
Because of your record you can also use it to club them over the head. As in "I am one of those the believe that the record we've been able to accomplish is in no small way do to very astute line combinations. I believe the kids would rather win than to play on the line of their choice and lose. Has your son indicated he would rather play on a different line and lose than play where he is and win?"
I am one who would never say, “If you think you can do it better, why don’t you coach next year” because he might and then my kids would have to play for him.
I readily admit that I was rarely clever enough to think of the perfect response on my feet at the time. One time I did get a parent asking why his kid never got to play with Danny. I thought it would be a good lesson for the kid and the parent to let him try. So I put him as the other wing on Dan's line. It served to show case how bad the kid was; he couldn't keep up, couldn't catch the passes and didn't know how to play at the level that Dan did, even though he was on the same team. It was painful for the kid and for the parent to watch.
It's too late for this gambit for this season - I did this often. At the beginning of the season I'd schedule a father/mother vs. son game followed by pizza and pop - a "get acquainted" event. Of course an averge team of Squirts can whip their parents. After the game I would say that I watched the game closely and two things became apparent to me. One was that if I could choose a team, none of the parents would make it and 2) I now knew exactly how much the parents knew about the sport and what weight I should give their opinion about how the team should be run. It was all done in a light-hearted manner but they got the point - I now knew how little they knew about the game, much less how to coach it.
All of this is said acknowledging that coaching is a tough job. I believe it's tougher now than when my kids came through. I didn't have to deal with the little darlings of the baby boomers or the baby boomers. Kids (and parents) had respect - a scarce commodity these days. But be clever, be resourceful, do what you think is best for the kids and the team, and don't let them get you down... the sport needs you, and the kids need you - especially the ones with the kind of parents you describe.
